my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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