Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
