i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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