I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
