I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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