Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
