the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize