Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
