isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I want her autograph on my taint
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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