Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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