I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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