She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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