it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
