and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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