So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize