You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
