I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
