I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Watching her eat just hurts me
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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