He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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