if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
