I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
