I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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