Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
