your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
