Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
