Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
