I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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