i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
