In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
