its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize