I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
