What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
No stitches, just platelets and will power
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
