It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
