Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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