please come you make the beer taste better
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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