I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
