I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
