just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
