we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize