Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
