Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
