Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
