It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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