I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
