If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
