I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
