he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
