I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
