if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
