Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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