so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
