why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
