dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
