it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
