Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
