She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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