allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
