i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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