I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
