so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
