what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
