You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
