How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
What drink are we having for lunch?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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