Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
