Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
