You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He shit in the fireplace
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
