You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize