what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
