rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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