so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize