My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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