That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
