I got her a Nickelback box set.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
